I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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