There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
