Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
