His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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