whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize