he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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