i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
