Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
