I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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