My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
