areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
