I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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