Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
4 words: hood of his car
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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