about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
