Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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