Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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