I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
My vagina just recognized that song.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
