I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
