I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
