I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Enjoy the penises
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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