As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
