If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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