It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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