Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
