After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
