and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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