Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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