Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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