Yo dont text me then not text me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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