What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
