Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
