dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
