I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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