theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
