i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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