I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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