You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
