Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
