i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
