She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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