I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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