If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
