Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
