you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
