So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
