I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
