YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
handjob tips. give me some.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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