He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
