Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
