ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
