I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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