you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
