when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
