brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
