Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
