i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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