My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
