I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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