i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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