um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
