Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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