wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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