dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize