I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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