No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
