I wish my penis had an off switch
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
