You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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