We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
