Betty ford says i'm here all night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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