Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
