I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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