Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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