Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
