So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize