Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
