I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
