I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I faked an abortion last night.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
