only if we run a train.
done.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
