he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
no you cant smoke seaweed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
