Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize